1 Thessalonians 4:5-7: Don’t let your sexual desires control
you like the people who don’t know God. 6 Never wrong any of your fellow
believers or cheat them in this way. The Lord will punish those who do that. We
have already told you this and warned you about it. 7 God chose us to be holy.
He does not want us to live in sin. (ERV)
Hebrews 13:4: Marriage should be honored by everyone. And
every marriage should be kept pure between husband and wife. God will judge
guilty those who commit sexual sins and adultery. (ERV)
How does one practically apply these verses to their many
relationships and acquaintances? The
Bible teaches that there are basically 3 kinds of relationships: familial
(blood related), relational (neighbors), and marital (husband or wife). The Bible does not recognize or acknowledge
the very common and popular dating (boyfriend/girlfriend) relationship. This is a nebulous coupling that is
difficult to define or establish boundaries, guidelines, and standards
for. How can you distinguish your
boyfriend/girlfriend from your neighbor?
Is there any distinction according to the Bible. Th is is why people who are involved in a
boyfriend/girlfriend relationship get in so much trouble with regard to not
defrauding each other and keeping their future marriage beds from
defilement. Many couples currently
involved in a dating relationship really don't consider whether or not they are
defrauding their dating partner or defiling their future marriage bed. They are simply living in the present and
focused on selfishly enjoying their dating partner. They are indifferent to, not interested in
knowing, or don't really care about the ramifications, consequences associated
with participating and the plethora of physical activities that are indicative
of most if not all dating relationships.
They are too busy enjoying the benefits of these relationships. I am amazed of how many girls and women give
themselves fully to someone that they don't end up marrying and then repeat
this behavior with several other partners leading up to the “one” that they
eventually end up marrying. Of course
this is true for guys also, but they think of this a bit differently than the
typical girl/woman. I believe that the
average male really isn't bothered with their sexual conquest not ending in
marriage. They are mainly looking for
selfish enjoyment apart from commitment and they aren't even considering
marriage. Most guys struggle with monogamy
because they are controlled by their selfish desire for personal pleasure. It amazes me that even knowing this – that
the current relationship is not going to end in marriage and in fact their
current dating partner will having difficulty remaining faithful, still have no
problem or reservations giving these guys their most prized and intimate
possessions. … Things that should be exclusively reserved for their future spouses(husband/wife)
(pre & post the marriage ceremony).
So many women these days believe if they are willing to sleep with their
boyfriends, they will eventually want to live together and after living
together for a period of time, that the relationship will end in marriage. These women are so deceived. I also believe that most women simply
settle. They are tired of being alone
and not having anyone to share their lives or meet their needs for feeling
special, wanted, beautiful, etc., they simply settle for Mr. right now and give
themselves fully to him in exchange for the possibility of getting their
selfish needs met. Women tend to dress
differently to attract the attention and interest that their soul's long
for. They see other women getting
attention, compliments, etc. from men and notice how they dress and carry
themselves and decide their only alternative is to do the same. How sad. :(.
What benefit is actually gained from a guy or guys that are
complementing you on how your body looks or because they want to selfishly
indulge in your body will tell you anything?
The ONLY way to gauge how a man really cares for you, respects you,
desires to pursue you in a courting relationship is to refrain completely and
totally from any physical contact whatsoever.
In fact, if you are not comfortable doing what he desires with your
biological brother or father, you should not do it with him. This is how you ensure that you nor he will
be defrauded and your your mutual marriage beds will be free from defilement
even if you both end up marrying one another.
It is NOT wise, beneficial or practical to indulge physically with
anyone including your future spouse prior to marriage. So many people today in the Christian
community are living together with their boyfriends/fiances and really don't
understand that they are sowing seeds
that will ensure a difficult future marriage.
How could they think or believe
that by choosing this lifestyle that they could maximize the blessings
of any future marriage. Physical
relationships have a tendency to deceive the persons involved in them. God has graciously designed us to desire,
crave, and even lust for our sexual partner.
He intended this for a lifelong partner. He also did not desire for anyone to indulge
in physical activities outside of a marriage relationship. He desired for us to have sexual relations
with one person and He placed a mutual desire, attraction for marital partners
to protect them from the sinful desires of the flesh that desire what it wants,
when it wants, who it wants, for as long as it wants. Anytime a person inters a
physical relationship with anyone else it is a counterfeit marriage, but your
body responds as if you were actually married and initiates a bond or glue
between you and your partner. Usually
these relationships do not end in marriage so you basically have to work
against God's plan to seal the two together because you have made the sealing
process counterfeit. This repetitive
sealing and unsealing is very counterproductive and detrimental to both
partners and the success of their eventual marriage relationships. This, in fact is the reason why there is so
much divorce in the Christian community because both males and females have
become so comfortable and familiar with discontinuing the sealing process that
God graciously initiates after marriage.
They enter the marriage relationship with selfish desires that they expect their
marriage partner to satisfy and fulfill as their many sexual partners did prior
to marriage and if this is not achievable, both partners are prone and
susceptible and have no problem looking elsewhere to get their selfish needs
meet or satisfied. Again, how sad :( - not
in accordance to plan,, will, or purpose of God for either of them. The physical hormones and chemical that are
released during sexual intimacy are intended to make both partners feel
desired, attractive, special appreciated honored in the eyes of their partner,
exclusively. However, when you give
yourself to multiple partners or an uncommitted partner the chemicals and
hormones have different affect because there is not trust, commitment or mutual
unselfishness involved with these relationships. Women usually feel unattractive, dirty, and
used after giving themselves to someone if they know that their partner can't
be trusted and is not committed to the relationship, but as stated earlier they
settle for these relationships as opposed to not having any relationship at
all. They either try to convince their
partner to remain loyal or break up with them and look for someone else to meet
their selfish needs and desires. It is
impossible for partners not to selfishly
use one another if their relationship is outside of a marital
relationship. Not sure why so many
Christians who have planned to marry (have even set a wedding date and sent out
the invitations) or have recently started dating after enduring the finalizing
of a divorce have not problem indulge in physical intimacy with their
partner. They have convinced themselves
that under these circumstances that physical intimacy is OK and
acceptable. Or even if they don't feel
this way, they still indulge because they don't think they are strong enough to
abstain completely from any physical contact that so easily defrauds their
partner. Their bodies have become used
to such activities in the case of a post divorce or is incredibly inclined to
compromise in the case of an engaged couple.
If only both partners in either these relationships realize the apparent
detriment of any future marriage relationship.
However they are usually blinded by their immediate selfish desires and
not really to concerned with the future implications of their choices or decisions. Also, they see so many other couples
indulging in the very things that they are indulge in and also professing to be
Christians.
Women are so
influenced by words. I believe there is
both a chemical and emotional response in women after hearing words from
men. Men quickly learn this and become
experts at saying what they know women want to hear to get what they want from
them. Words like “I love You”, “ I want
to show you how special you are to me”,
“I can see us married in a couple of years”, “You are the one for me”, “I want
you to meet my mother”, “You are so beautiful”,
“I am so attracted to you sexually”, etc. Why do these words have so much power over
women? Women should realize these are
just carefully crafted lines to get them give up their most prized possessions
that is and should be reserved, preserved, and conserved for their husband on
their marriage night and not any time before or with anyone else
afterward. I could talk about this all
day, but I will instead recommend an excellent resource that all Christians of
all ages (12-99+) should read - “Sex, Dating, and Relationships” by Gerald
Hiestand and Jay S. Thomas. This is an
essential and necessary read for all Christians. Thank You and God Bless... May God give you
the strength, grace and wisdom to keep your pure or begin keeping yourself pure
until you find yourself in a committed marriage relationship. AMEN!!!
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