Our Tongue - A potentially lethal, damaging, hurtful weapon aimed directly at the Heart.....

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Eph. 4:29,31,32). Post settings
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, (Philippians 2:14)
For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil
and their lips from deceitful speech. 11 They must turn from evil and do good;
they must seek peace and pursue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil (1 Peter 3:10-12).
Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25 Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will (2 Timothy 2:22-26).

Conversations, discussions (even heated) devolve into arguments when one or both parties are convinced they are not being heard or their position/view point is being discounted or disregarded. I wonder if people who grumble, complain, or say things under their breath during a disagreement, argument, or heated discussion really think or feel that they are accomplishing anything or benefiting anyone involved? I believe we should always maintain eye-contact with anyone we are in a discussion with. We should do this in order to show them respect and consideration and because I believe we expect and hope to receive this from people that we are having disagreement with. Conversations escalate into arguments that become progressively verbally and sometimes physically abusive due to poor communication habits. We would save ourselves a lot of grief and emotional and sometimes physical harm if we learned how to argue a position, share our feelings, or explain our needs and concerns in a productive manner. Here are just a few points that I have learned and attempt (though not perfectly) to practice. As stated before, we should “never” lose eye-contact with the person that we are trying to share something with or having a disagreement with. You should never say anything about the situation, unless the other person can clearly hear you. Stop saying things under your breath, or having person conversations with yourself (grumbling, venting) that can be heard by the person that you are having a dis-agreement or issue with. This isn’t helpful and very counter-productive. All of these points should be made face-to-face in a respectful manner and tone with the purpose of being heard and understood. There is no chance of the situation getting better if the person you are having an issue with isn’t aware of your position nor given the opportunity to understand why you are not pleased or having difficulty with the current situation. Also, it is extremely counterproductive if both parties are attempting to share, express, vent, defend, etc. at the same time. This becomes a screaming match that grows louder and louder until one or both parties result to verbal insults, exaggerations of the situations – with statements like “you always…, you never, you make me…, I wish you would…If you don’t… if you keep this up…” or make physical threats and sometimes carry them out. All of this could be avoided if we all decided to actually practice better communication skills. We have learned two essentials – never lose eye-contact and if you notice you are both speaking at the same time, stop and let the other party know that you will let them speak so you can hear them out (this is essential..be the bigger person if you truly desire and want to improve the current situation). Listen to the other party explain their position or view point, ONLY ask questions if clarification of their position is needed. You should Never, attempt to correct, be-little, disregard/discount the person’s position or become defensive, or attempt to share your position until you fully understand the other person’s position. Once you feel you have understood their position, restate it back to them. If further clarification is needed work through this with them until both of you know and understand this position. After the other parties position is understood by both parties, validate this position and let the person know that you can understand how they would feel the way that they do or believe the way that they do based on their perception of the situation. However, they do not have all the facts until they listen to your position, hear you out (making concessions for clarification only… basically giving you the same courtesy and respect that you expressed to them). Most important is eventually being able to verbalize your position and offering empathy and understanding. Once both positions are clearly understood, the goal should be to come up with a compromise where both parties make concessions with the goal of coming up with a win-win action plan. This is going to require both parties to be willing to change something about themselves or the way they say or do things. It will most likely require some sacrifice of time, effort, etc. (this will be well worth it for both parties). If this cannot be achieved, time should be allowed for each person to reflect on the situation (if applicable) alone and you should both agree to revisit this situation at a later date. But for now agree to dis-continue this disagreement and not mention it until the agreed upon date. If the situation won’t allow for this, both parties should seek the counsel/mediation of a mutually respected friend, mentor (who is impartial and experienced in settling disagreements, misunderstandings, etc. between people). This approach will be much more productive than what is usually practiced by people who have issues with one another or a disagreement about a certain situation or circumstance. This approach will also prevent a lot of unnecessary, hurtful and damaging (often irreparable/irrevocable) words, threats, or abuse (even physical). We should always strive to put these positive communication skills in practice at all times in all situations and for all people. To recap, 1) Never lose eye-contact (face-to-face) 2) Don’t speak about the situation in the presence of the other party unless you want what you are saying to be heard by them 3) Never speak at the same time with the person you are having the disagreement with, let them speak first and try to hear them out, understand what they stay, and know why they are saying it 4) Ask them to give you the same respect and consideration 5) Never attempt to make the situation better until both positions are clearly understood by both parties 6) Attempt to resolve without a third party 7) take time for reflection and clarity, agree to revisit at a later date if necessary and applicable 8) Seek guidance from a mutually respected, impartial, experienced, mentor and friend. Have a Great Day and lets strive to NOT resort to hurtful words or actions when having a disagreement with people. Of course, some people will not be willing to put these suggestions into practice and they will continue experiencing the negative and damaging effects of arguing or tryint to get their point across using poor ineffective communication habits. Not much I can do for them... but for those who have ears to hear....Grace, Love, and Peace to you all. Make it a GREAT Day!!!